Mighty Girls and Spirited Boys, what's the difference?

Yash at a tea estate, picking tea.

My almost 8 year old son, Yash, has recently acquired friends from the opposite gender. These two lovely girls are now part of a gang of 4 spirited boys. As I get a first class view of their behaviour and activities, the little girl in me lives again!

It has been wonderful to see the influence of these girls on the boys :) The valentine's day that just passed, got a lot of attention from this gang. Few days before the 'Day', I heard murmurs that the day was about LOVE! It was in hushed voices and so my curiosity was naturally heightened. On the 13th of Feb, I was pleasantly surprised that the kids were planning for surprising their parents on Valentine's day with a home made chocolate. I caught them on a scavenger hunt for the ingredients from each of the kids' homes. Since the whole plan was revealed to me (basically, I spied;), my kitchen became their lab. 

From this entire interaction, I understood that the idea of treating the parents to chocolates came from the two girls. Having given homemade gifts through out my childhood, I was happy with the influence these girls had on my son.  I also saw that the two of them had made cards to give to their parents. They urged the boys to make one too.

There was a lot of debate about what should be made, chocolate, ice cream, cake, etc. One of the girls took charge and said that usually, chocolates are the accepted gift for Valentine’s day. That settled the matter. It also clearly established who was going to lead the pack, though non-verbally. They then decided that they would need to see a video on Youtube to understand how to make chocolate. They made a list of the ingredients, assessed with what they already had and what else would be needed. As they were making a note of what needs to be bought, the same girl said that her handwriting was the best and she would list them down. What confidence, she was showing all signs of becoming a great leader.

As the interactions progressed, I was startled by the gender stereotypes that these kids had. The girls said that by virtue of being girls, they were better in the kitchen. They wanted to do all the work. The boys then went off to make their cards. Yash has a habit of scaling the walls in my kitchen doorway and reaching up to the ceiling. He was showing off his skills to all his friends. One after another, all tried to do the same trick. To my surprise, the girl, tried all daintily and gave up after a few attempts. Her response was ‘My hands are too soft because I’m a girl. I can’t do it’.

The feminist in me was awakened, but I did not want to go into a lecture of how girls can do anything and it was all in the mind. Instead, I decided to let things take their own course.

The chocolate was almost ready and poured for setting. All that was left to do was to lick the spoon and the mixing vessel for the yummy leftovers after pouring it into the tin. Once again I was shocked to hear one girl telling the other that, ‘Hey, don’t eat that so much else you will become like this’ – she puffed her cheeks and folded her elbows to indicate fat.

I was disappointed that young girls are subjected to negative body image and are exposed to body shaming from such a young age. I wonder from where they get this gender bias. Are we, as a society,

responsible to make our young girls believe that the work of a woman is in the kitchen, to be dainty and the weaker sex? Are we giving enough inputs for them to believe that they are indeed mighty and see themselves are strong willed leaders who can achieve everything that they set out to do?

My husband Vickram, makes it a point to talk to Yash on how to be respectful towards women. Two days ago I chanced on their conversation where Vickram was telling Yash that he needs to take care of women, not because women are weak but because they do so much for the whole family. This made my day. I do believe that Yash will believe women to be strong and mighty as I hope to have projected myself as one.

I wish that parents of girls wake up from their slumber and understand the harm that gender bias is doing to their little girls. My advice is to give good role models to girls of women who have character and strength. Read them stories, tell them your tales, all that drives the message home. I absolutely hate Kinder Joy for packaging their chocolates as for boys and for girls. I found that boys had superheroes, cars, bikes, etc. While girls had dolls, unicorns, pretty bows, etc. What gives them the right to decide what our girls will play with?

Don’t you hate it when you see the wrong stereotypes on children’s programs? Take Chhota Bheem for example, both the girl characters in it are portrayed to be the weaker sex, completely stereotyped. Take a stand and ban this from your homes.

I have an issue with the largest toy manufacturer in the world, LEGO. While 90% of their building blocks are meant for their boys, they have a small section meant for girls, again so stereotypical to make it pink and white and have pretty rainbows and ponies. Though it is not openly publicised as girls' blocks, the packaging and the pictures indicate it to be so.

This post was originally meant to be about the girls in my son’s life and turned out to be about the life in store for these girls. I hope my next one has more stories of bravery and might.

Let our girls be mighty and our boys spirited.